One Very Expensive Degree

College Daze - I'm the far right in the blue hoochie shirt! Glad I had fun!

Things were going so well, so well in fact I kept reminding myself that soon it would change. Life is a series of ups and downs. It's never always happy, and it's never always sad (at least I hope that's the case). Over the past year, I've had many ups and downs. Leaving my steady eddy job in one city, for unemployment in another. I'm in Michigan, mind you. After countless interviews and let downs; mounting debt and barely scraping by, I landed a temporary position utilizing my degree in Technical Writing (don't judge based on my blog please). This job was the crux in my change from bad to good, especially after I was hired on full time as a permanent employee. Soon I started planning my future horse purchase. I paid off mounting credit card debt. My student loans were becoming manageable. B (my husband and I) smiled, laughed and planned our future more often. Life WAS great!

To change the topic for a second to Student Loans. I attended a University for 3 and a half years. Not a fantastic university, but not a bad one. It's average - both in price and status. While in college, any resemblance of brains I may of had in high school (not much at that), completely disappeared. I had student loans, my parents did not help. I lived off of government money for 3 1/2 years . I slept late, partied, went to school of course, but of work and money earning, I did little. After graduation, I began working - I put most of my loans on deferment, and quite honestly didn't think about them, at all.

After graduation, I found work and made my payments. As the loans began coming out of deferment one by one, I found myself wondering how much debt I had actually racked up. My mom took out every single loan, so I was blissfully unaware of the amount of debt until, stupidly, two days ago. I had assumed that each of my loans had come out of deferment since I graduated college in 2004, and at just over $31,000.00, I was glad of it; however there was one more. As I reached in the mail box Tuesday afternoon, a sense of dread came over me. Clearly, there in the dark reassesses of the mailbox, I saw CITIBANK written on a white business envelope. Statement inside, was clearly marked in black ink on the front. Not wanting to know, but knowing I had to, I quickly ripped open the envelope. Please let this be a privacy statement, I pleaded to myself/God/Allah/Jesus/Buddha/Ganish. Then there it was Your loan for $15,456.25 has just come out of deferment. You owe $230.46 by January 28, 2010.

My first reaction was denial. This can't be, this has to be a mistake! I phoned my mom who seemed astonished as well. After that I pulled my credit report...and it was true, I was the proud owner of massive student loan debt. Okay, I know there is far worse debt out there, but approx. $41,000.00 of debt that I still owe (there was upwards of $50,000.00 spent at this school - some having already been paid) for an undergrad English degree!!??!!??!! So, I've been crying almost non stop for the past two nights. I'm crying for the extra job I'm going to take, for the horse I won't be getting, for the extra money, new house, new car I planned for this summer (I drive a 2003 Neon), for the extra strain on my husband, for the stupid stupid mistake I made as a wasteful unappreciative college student, for the knowledge that I did this to myself, and I deserve and must pay it! I can't help but think of ways to make money quick. Egg Donation - no, besides that I'm too old, short, fair, etc. Sell a Kidney? Yikes! Plasma? No, I'd do that for free. Skip the country? No, I love my home! Work hard, scrimp, budget and save - - - - I suppose that's the solution.

Now, I know how dramatic it all sounds - in a sense writing this is very therapeutic. After all, an additional $200.00 - $300.00 ($436. min payment) a month isn't SO bad. There are so many worse things that could happen - for instance, those poor poor people in Haiti, oh my gosh - I can't even imagine, terrible! Really, I know this post is making me hate-worthy, it makes me look spoiled and whiny, but what good is a blog if I can't open up and write how I'm really feeling? So, anyway, I think I'm mostly just mourning the loss of this horse I was so eagerly anticipating. BUT looking on the bright side - I have: great family, friends, pets, horses at my disposal (not mine), husband, a good job that may be going somewhere, a roof over my head, lots of food :), and 1 VERY EXPENSIVE DEGREE! I suppose it's time for a down turn, I hope it doesn't stay for long.