What a Downer

Could I be? Am I really? Nooo...I'm not that. Am I?

The dreaded Debbie Downer! Gasp. Say it ain't so.

for those of you who don't know who or what a "Debbie Downer" is: Here's a reference video.





Over the past week or so, my husband and I have been somewhat strained. Not fighting strained, but strained none the less. We're still adjusting to parenthood, and I don't care what anyone says, adding a third to a two DOES create absolute havoc on your life!  Husband and I will be fine, but we have a few things to shake out before we're streamlining away at life again.

The thing is, since going back to work, I've been complaining. A lot. I didn't even realize I was doing it. It started off as mild annoyance at my, dare I say it online? Temperamental coworkers.

This mild annoyance escalated, without me even realizing it, into sheer anger and miserly behavior that was kept inside, hidden behind a faux smile at work, and then unwittingly being unleashed onto my poor, dear husband when I returned home from a long day each evening.

Husband, not being the type to belly ache about his own issues, took my complaints like a man for about a month; until finally, he let his true opinions on my moaning and groaning fly in an all out, knock down, e-mail argument. As I mentioned above, I've been coming home and unleashing this negative beast on him. "So and so said this and so and so did that!" I'd moan. On and on and on it went, day after day. I thought back. He is completely right.

P.S. E-mail fights are the absolute best way to go about fighting. No slamming doors, no screaming. Just plain old editable words, typed out and hopefully read and re-read before hitting send. I also happen to believe that fighting mild disagreements  are a healthy thing in any relationship...within means.

Anyway, where was I?

So. It hit me like a ton of bricks that what he was saying in his e-mail rebuttal, that

I am a total Debbie Downer!

 is true.

Oh my gosh! I can't stand Debbie Downers, and here I am. The Queen of them all! The baby (Josie) is so amazing and the most wonderful thing I've ever done and yadayadayada, but! I am so exhausted. I'm tired, squared. I'm irritable and I'm pissed off that I wasn't blessed with a fortune so I could be home with my little one and a herd of horses! Poor me, right? Anyway, I quickly realized that I was making myself miserable with my negative thoughts. All of the miserable feelings I've been having are no one's fault buy my own. That's a bitter pill to swallow. It's also liberating because I have complete control over changing that.

I want to be a happy person. What's stopping me?

So. That's my New Year's Resolution. I plan on actually keeping this one. At least. I hope I do.

What's you Resolution for 2012?

Hello

I just wanted to post and say hello to everyone! I'm still super inconsistent with just about everything in my life right now, but that will change soon...hopefully.

Is it just me, or does there seem to be a lot of depressing news out there? It seems every time I turn around someone's sick, or losing their home, or has lost or is losing a loved one. It's just very sad, and it makes me feel ever the more grateful for the wonderful things I have in my life, especially my health, loved ones and secure (hopefully) job (that I hate, lol)! I pray for those who are going through trying times, and I truly believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us all...we just need patience. I hope that the next time I'm feeling down someone reminds me of those words that I just typed.

Life is going well for me. Josie is getting big (3 months old now) and she's been an absolute joy for the most part. I've had a few moments where I felt like I was going to lose it, but then I just took it out on my husband and felt a lot better! Thank God for husbands!! Ha!

Here she is (above) in her Christmas PJ's...jolly lil' thing! She does NOT like hats, can you tell?

As for horses; I haven't been out to ride much. I've been on Lady (mom's horse) a few times, and that was nice. Lady is obese, just plain obese. She's healthy and all, but fat fat fat! My mom realizes this and she's working to correct it. I  think the problem she's having is that the barn owner is feeding the other mare that Lady is pastured with a lot (she's old and thin) and Lady is partaking in the extra feed as well.

I hate to say this...again...but I'm dreaming that this Spring or summer, I'll have a horse. J keeps offering any of hers up, which is amazingly generous, but I don't want to put myself into a position where I have a horse that I have no time to ride. I feel like that's been my life lately. It's a problem with either money or time. Ugh! Once Josie is a bit older (this Spring or Summer) I'll revisit J's offer. I don't expect much from myself on this one as I've been bound and determined to get me a horse many a time over the years. I hope though, I hope. Also, I don't want to board a horse at J's farm. It's too far off the beaten trail and truthfully, I want to be a part of a barn where there are others to ride/show with. I want to have fun with horses again.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a beautiful Christmas and I hope that 2012 brings us all peace, joy and health!