The dreaded Debbie Downer! Gasp. Say it ain't so.
for those of you who don't know who or what a "Debbie Downer" is: Here's a reference video.
Over the past week or so, my husband and I have been somewhat strained. Not fighting strained, but strained none the less. We're still adjusting to parenthood, and I don't care what anyone says, adding a third to a two DOES create absolute havoc on your life! Husband and I will be fine, but we have a few things to shake out before we're streamlining away at life again.
The thing is, since going back to work, I've been complaining. A lot. I didn't even realize I was doing it. It started off as mild annoyance at my, dare I say it online? Temperamental coworkers.
This mild annoyance escalated, without me even realizing it, into sheer anger and miserly behavior that was kept inside, hidden behind a faux smile at work, and then unwittingly being unleashed onto my poor, dear husband when I returned home from a long day each evening.
Husband, not being the type to belly ache about his own issues, took my complaints like a man for about a month; until finally, he let his true opinions on my moaning and groaning fly in an all out, knock down, e-mail argument. As I mentioned above, I've been coming home and unleashing this negative beast on him. "So and so said this and so and so did that!" I'd moan. On and on and on it went, day after day. I thought back. He is completely right.
P.S. E-mail fights are the absolute best way to go about fighting. No slamming doors, no screaming. Just plain old editable words, typed out and hopefully read and re-read before hitting send. I also happen to believe that
fightingmild disagreements are a healthy thing in any relationship...within means.
Anyway, where was I?
So. It hit me like a ton of bricks that what he was saying in his e-mail rebuttal, that
I am a total Debbie Downer!
Oh my gosh! I can't stand Debbie Downers, and here I am. The Queen of them all! The baby (Josie) is so amazing and the most wonderful thing I've ever done and yadayadayada, but! I am so exhausted. I'm tired, squared. I'm irritable and I'm pissed off that I wasn't blessed with a fortune so I could be home with my little one and a herd of horses! Poor me, right? Anyway, I quickly realized that I was making myself miserable with my negative thoughts. All of the miserable feelings I've been having are no one's fault buy my own. That's a bitter pill to swallow. It's also liberating because I have complete control over changing that.
I want to be a happy person. What's stopping me?
So. That's my New Year's Resolution. I plan on actually keeping this one. At least. I hope I do.
What's you Resolution for 2012?